Sundays for me are usually the hardest day of the week, emotionally.
My normal routine is to wake up mid morning; hungover. A pillow stained in make up & tears. Take away boxes or a dirty plate next to the bed, a dry mouth and pounding headache. My phone screen is usually full of whats app messages from family members planning a day together; lunch, a walk etc which I either duck out of and pretend i have other plans or cancel the ‘other’ plans i actually did have in order to mope about with my family, feeling sorry for myself and crying at least once during the day.
Time spent with my sisters involves time spent with my nieces and nephews, whom i love, naturally but who’s presence makes me cross, frustrated, bored and angry. Why are they so loud? why do they interrupt me when i’m in the middle of speaking, he just said he wasn’t hungry now he wants food, she’s woken up and wants to be entertained. It’s annoying. I miss the days it was just us, without all these extra bodies, coats, hats, prams, bags and baggage.
I cannot quite believe how differently I felt about everything today. Yes i woke up late, but that’s because i went to bed late. Not because i was hungover. And yes i still woke up with a headache but that was from the central heating and dehydration. Not because i was hungover. Yes i woke up to messages from family members planning a walk and visit to the farmers market but no i didn’t duvet dive. I got up, had a healthy breakfast, a lovely bath listening to uplifting music and went out to join them.
Instead of wondering about aimlessly about the market thinking everyone was stuck up and rich with their bags for life and organic muddy carrots, I shopped – with my shopping list complied from the recipe books i’d read this morning! I joined in with my bags for life and found pleasure in purchasing those organic veggies, it felt lovely and i felt happy. it was like living in a Sulvainian family world.
After the market we went to the pub…. A slight moment of fear sunk in, i will admit. I’d love a beer i thought momentarily but it passed, very quickly. I made sure i ordered fast and didn’t deliberate incase i changed my mind. A black coffee and a soda water with elderflower. The children didn’t bother me at all, in fact i really enjoyed their company and didn’t sigh at having to share my juice with them. My sister and her 7 month old came back to me for the afternoon, we watched a movie and drank tea and hid from the freezing grey afternoon. It was just bliss and i loved playing with her daughter properly for the first time really. That sounds sad to admit but i have to be honest, i have no other choice.
When she left i was waiting for the Sunday evening blues to kick in. They weren’t there in the morning when they normally are, the time i usually feel most lonely. But they never came in the evening either. Instead of the blues I listened to the Archers, made a delicious healthy supper and watched the last few episodes of the Affair – it’s SO GOOD !!
I even got round to updating my bio for an event i’m taking part in soon – something i’ve been slightly putting off but felt i had a clear enough head to do this evening.
So all in all, success. All hail the booze free weekend.
Tomorrow – Monday – it’s time to introduce exercise and a healthier diet….
Bon nuit x