Funny how when you give something up it’s all you can think about, even if you didn’t used to think about it before. My first thought this morning was relief that day one was over and I was now well on the way to finding emotional and physical sobriety. Did I feel radically different, clearer headed and chirpy? Not particularly. It was a freezing, sleeting, grey February Saturday. I still woke up without a man by my side and an ache in my heart but yes i admit there was a change in my mental state.
I had breakfast and coffee with Ma, before taking her to the train station and coming home to my cold empty flat. Do i get low and feel the loneliness or do i fight it and enjoy this peace and solitude? The choice is completely and only mine. After receiving a tearful phone call from my sister about how tired she was and how her 7 month year old daughter wouldn’t sleep. I decided the later choice was one i should relish in. So, i ran a bath, gave myself a facial, manicure and pedicure. washed and dried my hair, made a tasty healthy lunch and curled up to watch an afternoon film in the serenity of my own space. it was sheet bliss.
I took my time getting ready for this evening and felt very happy in my outfit. I looked and felt like me. As i looked in the mirror i thought, can’t remember the last time i really felt i knew who i was. I’m not sure if any of that makes sense, but it does to me.
It was a really enjoyable evening. 6 girlfriends, including 2 sisters, out for an evening of comedy and music. I realised i didn’t even want a drink when i got there. I also noticed how expensive the drinks were. I will be happier, healthier and better off, what could be more of an inspiration? The comedy was fantastic, on point and moving at times. Just what a roomful of women needed on a Saturday night so close to Valentine’s night, some sexy sassy girl power comedy. Boom.
We left the venue which was preparing to turn into a nightclub in favour of a local cosy pub. A wise move, and one which made me realise i’ve chosen a good time to kick the booze. I’m not in my 20’s anymore. I’m not saying i won’t have a late night clubbing ever again, i mean i can’t excuse waking up with a horrific hangover and vomiting the next day because of it. I want to look after my body, my heart, my liver. I want to make the most of my Sundays. I have done ENOUGH days feeling sorry for myself or hiding under my duvet. enough enough enough.
Home, in bed with make up washed off – that really is a first! I don’t feel high and mighty and proud of myself. I just feel calm and ready to continue this journey.